Complaint Department RE: The Sweatiest Man On The Subway And Possibly The World
To: The Sweatiest Man On The Subway And Possibly The World,
It is obvious you knew you’d be scorching as we speak. Why do I suspect this? Because, you’ve introduced with you a white rag for wiping sweat off of your physique. You have been ready. But, it appears to me, sadly, that this tiny rag is not any match for the sweat taps masquerading as your pores. You have been pressured to take off your t-shirt to reveal your white tank beneath-shirt. Your arms rub towards your fellow New Yorkers as they dry-heave and attempt to keep away from the Slip ‘I Slide® that’s your physique. It is tough for me to observe you endure, and to observe your fellow passengers endure beside you, when I see a CLEAR answer.
So, my pal, from me to you: A NOTE! Perhaps in your subsequent sojourn out of the little zit-crevice you got here out of, you may contemplate NOT WEARING FUCKING SWEATPANTS IN eighty-DEGREE WEATHER YOU FUCKING SNAIL.
It boggles the thoughts that a man akin to your self, a person with the foresight to convey a SWEAT RAG from house, didn’t contemplate the choice: TO ELIMINATE THE NEED FOR A SWEAT RAG ALTOGETHER BY EMPLOYING BREATHABLE PANTS IN THEIR STEAD.
IN. THEIR. STEAD.
BUT NO! Perhaps, when you misplaced the sweatpants, you’d additionally lose the “look” you’re going for, one you’ve rigorously cultivated with bead necklaces and chin pubes. What a loss that loss can be.
But, it’s clear to me, and the poor lady sitting beside you on this subway, that the sweat tub you might have inflicted on her was avoidable. Your sweat is getting used as a weapon towards most of the people. Sir, you’re a crowd, and this subway is close to-empty, however you’ve managed to take each different individual on this practice and use them as a human squeegee.
I can see your nipples by way of your shirt, and I hope you’ll be able to see the disdain although my tinted sunnies.
COMPLAINT STATUS: Unresolved
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